No one ever really talks about how lonely it gets being single.

Not that long ago, I had felt it harder than I can remember. I’ve felt loneliness before, all in different ways. It was a like a really horrible punch. Like “Oh shoot, I really am lonely.”

It began to become evident while on vacation in Mexico with my parents. There was a sense of “I can’t wait to travel with my future husband.” This whole “I want to come back here with my husband.” One day it just hit me like the biggest wave. My heart has physically ached. It felt so empty and broken. Suddenly it felt as if I was missing something. I had the whole puzzle nearly complete, only to realize I was missing a piece.

It sounds so contradicting to what everyone says about being whole and people don’t complete us. Yes, in Christ, I lack no good thing. In Him, I am made whole. He is the mender of the broken. But what do I do about the “it is not good for man to be alone” part? What do I do when “Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh” is missing?

It usually is not the best time to go looking for it. But even when you’re not looking for it, it comes to you. That’s just what temptation is: Here’s something you said you were missing. Doesn’t it look good?

Just because it looks good doesn’t mean it’s right. The right thing, at the wrong time, can still be the wrong thing. It’s easy to get “lost in the sauce” – that’s a multifaceted colloquial phrase you don’t need to understand.

Things always have a way of unraveling. You soon realize “Oh, I really should have listened to that voice back then.” And although it wasn’t sin you may have fell into, it still wasn’t the time to awaken love.

God gave me a promise to a healthy marriage. Instantly, I knew it would not come easy. I have to be healthy, and I have to allow a healthy person in – this is why it’s important to get to know someone and their level of health as much as possible before jumping into something. And I don’t just mean physically healthy.

Regret, resentment, disappointment, depression can all creep in. God promised me He would use everything in my life. As hard as it is. As hard as it has been. As hard as it will be, His love is steadfast. His love is the perfect love I need and have always been looking for. With Him, my friends, and family, I have the love I need.

Jesus felt the same pain and loneliness I have felt. A perfect image is the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus knew He was about to be betrayed by the people He spent so much time with. Jesus felt a deep emotional pain. One of “Lord, anything but this.” Jesus knew a physical pain was coming as well.

Jesus told His disciples, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me” (Matthew 26:38). He knew the pain that feels like you’re about to die – well, because He was about to actually die, too.

Even Jesus pleaded for another way. “He went on a little further and bowed His face to the ground praying, ‘My Father! if it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me, yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Matthew 26:39). He knows what it is like to wish for another way out. Sometimes God has a much bigger purpose for our pain than we know.

I love God and the deeper meanings hidden in His Word. The Hebrew word for Gethsemane means oil press. Between Matthew, Mark, Luke, andJohn, there is a variation with either using the Garden of Gethsemane or the Mount of Olives.

Matthew says Jesus’ soul was crushed. I have often felt crushed. I have often felt broken. I may be broken for a moment, but He always mends. And often times, we need the crushing to release something beautiful.

An olive is crushed to make oil. A grape is crushed to make wine. A flower is crushed to release its fragrance.

Jesus was open to another way, but I am so glad He chose us. I am so glad He chose calvary. “but He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed” (Isaiah 53:5). Without His crushing, we would not have the sweetness of salvation or grace.

The crushing is unfortunately inevitable, but God promises Himself. He promises strength. He promises peace. He promises joy. He promises life abundantly.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. we are perplexed, but not driven to despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8).

“Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him” (Luke 22:43).

Even when life gets a little too hard, I trust Him. I trust He is there. I trust He keeps His promises. I trust He never lets me go. I trust He is working all things together for my good. I am never really alone. I am never so far lost, His love can’t find me.

No matter the season, He is with me. No matter the outcome, He is there. No matter the hurt, He heals. His love is so steadfast.

“You are close to the broken heart
So I know You are here right now
And if this is my garden, God, Your will be done
Even if my voice is shaking
From my brokenness, I’ll sing
Even if it’s just a whisper
You hear me”
– The Heartache//Local Sound