It’s been nearly two months since I last posted, which has frustrated me tremendously. I switched majors because writing was supposed to consume me. I was expecting to have a lot of time on my hands to just sit on my laptop and write. School has been a little rocky. I am taking 18 units, so the work is never ending. In all honesty, things have not been all fine and dandy in my home. I’ve been praying to God for something that feels like it is taking ages to get here. When this promises is fulfilled, you’ll be sure to hear about it.

Unfortunately for three weeks now, I have had a nasty attitude that comes and goes. It is not hormonal so I cannot put the blame on biology. It is all my thoughts, all my flesh. I’m not sure if this is the reason why, but I am currently going through the motions. Everything has felt so mundane lately. I wake up thinking it’s just another day going to school, coming home, doing homework, taking care of my little sister, going to church, etc. These are things I have to do to get through the next day where I do it all again. Definitely not everyday is the same exact routine, but everyday of each week goes exactly like that day did the week before. It feels like I won’t get out anytime soon. I know the time it will most surely stop is when school ends for the winter.

The thing is, I want it to end now. Yet, I know I have to go through it. My heart is fighting so hard to teach my mind this is part of the process. I love what Oswald Chambers says… “The true test of a person’s spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening. A person’s worth is revealed in his attitude toward the ordinary things of life when he is not under the spotlight…It is God’s Spirit that changes the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and then things begin to be possible which before were impossible.” I have been feeling so discouraged and it might get worse; but I am believing there is growth up ahead. The only thing God is asking me to do is go to Him, spend time with Him. I might feel like I’m getting nowhere spiritually, but the physical never understands the spiritual.

Philippians 3:16 says “But we must hold onto the progress we have already made.” I’m not sure where you’re at in life, but whenever you start to feel like you’re going through the motions, as if you’re going nowhere in this endless circle… Know there is a reason for it. Nothing happens at random. God has a purpose for your life. “No mess, no message.” This isn’t an easy season for me to feel incredibly joyful about, but Philippians 2:27 says “but I will rejoice even if I lose my life..” The bright side is that this season I can walk with the revelation that the Lord is with me, as opposed to the season I was in last year when I felt I was alone. I know Paul was referring to the him and the Philippians when he says in 1:30 “We are in this struggle together,” but as I was reading it this morning I couldn’t help but feel like that was God speaking to my season. He is in this struggle with me. Know, you are not alone wherever you are.