“If you didn’t do x, you wouldn’t need to do y.”
“Maybe if you did x more often, you wouldn’t be like that.”
“You’re so x compared to her.”
“Why don’t you try x, maybe that will fix your problem.”
“Look at yourself! You need to do more of x obviously.”
“You’d look so much prettier if you did x.”
“You’re going to be so pretty when you’re older.”

I can’t help but ponder upon recent statements such as these. Is something wrong with me? With the way I look? The way I act? I try to react kind and calm when people voice their opinions on me. Part of me shrivels away in shame. I begin to wonder why I’m not the way they say I should be? How can I meet their expectations? Clearly they know better? Maybe they surely know better and what’s best for me? Insecurities scream. I’m brought to tears. I’m brought to a pivotal moment of combating comments.

Another part of me thinks that it’s all nonsense what they have to say. Surely they don’t know everything that is going on with me. They don’t really know me or the situation. What reason do they have? But the voice that wants to shout my true beauty is faint.

I am pretty now. I’m fine the way I am and yes, there is room to improve. I’m allowed to be a masterpiece and work in progress simultaneously.

Combating insecurities is a constant struggle. Just when i feel like I had a hold of it, I’m dragged back down. How strong am I really? How much do I actually love myself? If I don’t work at something right now, it will seep into my future. Changing my now will change my future.

I want so badly to be free from insecurities. I want so badly to let the quiet voice roar. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. From my head to my toes. I just want every inch of me to understand and know it is loved and wonderfully made.

My Creator doesn’t make trash. My Creator worked too hard on me for me to be chained up by certain comments. I’m still learning and I’m still growing into the woman I feel called to be. I’m fighting. I think that if I didn’t fight and strive to increase the volume of the voice, I wouldn’t actually love myself. I love myself. Amy Lynette is a beloved little beauty.

This month, I want to start new habits. I will attack. I will fight back with more strength. With more wisdom. It’s not going to be easy. It hasn’t been. I feel so alone not being able to orally express myself. I don’t want to hide.

A flower was meant to bloom. To open up. There will be storms. April showers bring May flowers. My flora will teem more than before. I will become even more beautiful than I am now. I am beautiful.