“Jesus said to all of them, ‘If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing to give up their lives daily to follow me. Those who want to save their lives will give up true life. But those who give up their lives for me will have true life. It is worthless to have the whole world if they themselves are destroyed or lost.’” [Luke 9:23-25]

“…by His wounds you are healed.” [1 Peter 2:24]

2015 brought about a lot of pain. I got extremely bruised up. My heart was overwhelmingly broken. My request for 2016 is for my heart to be completely healed from the wounds of 2015. This isn’t heartwork for nothing. I know I’m on the right path towards healing. I know that I’ve gotten a whole lot better these last few weeks. Some days it feels like I’m not improving because it feels like the results aren’t as drastic as I would like them to be, but these baby steps are very important. On day one, there was part of the scripture that read “Then your light will shine like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal.” Today’s scripture says that by the wounds of my Christ, I am healed. God wants me to be healed. He doesn’t like to see me hurting. Christ died a painful death so that my even my most minute pains can be healed. God wants my whole heart. He wants to put it back together again. When I step into the things of God, I find healing.

Even though my heart’s been broken, I think I’m much stronger for letting it stay soft rather than hardening up. I could have been resentful. I could have been bitter. I could have built a wall up. I haven’t grown stone cold. I feel softer. More vulnerable. More susceptible. I believe that’s an important part of healing. I have this yearning to love more. My body aches in search of someone to love on. I want to give. I can give to someone without loving them, but I can’t love someone without giving to them. I think this yearning to do such a thing really signifies a healing heart. If I give to others, put others before myself, humble myself, become selfless, I’ll feel much better. I want my eyes to open wide and see those in need. I don’t want to miss someone that I’ll find out two years later I could have helped. I want to give away this love I have. Yes, I have a need and desire to be loved, but someone out there has a bigger need. If I can show them love then I can show them God.

That is my battle. I have to constantly leave that desire to be loved a certain way. I am loved. I am loved by my friends, my family. Most importantly, I am loved by God. But after being heartbroken from a certain situation, I can’t help but desire a certain kind of love. As the verse above says, I have to give up the things I want every single day. I have to learn to desire the things of God more than the things of this world. To desire solely God, and nothing else. I truly want to give my life to the things of God. I want to serve Him by loving those around me like He loves me. Like He loves them. I want to spread love. I was called to spread love.

I come before You today to thank You for all the work You are doing in my heart. The way You are transforming it and putting it all back together again. You are making it whole. You are making it new. The more I know You, the more I love You. You are so good. Everything that is of You is good. I want more of You. I see how great is Your love for me. You love me the way I should be loved. The love You flood me with I want to give it back You. I want to love You the way You so much deserve. I want to love others more. I want to love them the way You love me. I want You to pour out of me. Open my eyes to see those in need of You. Open my eyes to see how I can better draw Your people back to Your home. Make this heart Your home. Clean it out. Furnish it up. Do what You will. I throw away my fear and pride. I throw away all that is not of You. All that keeps me from completely, unreservedly, wholeheartedly following You.