As I struggle to press on through this never-ending November, I find little things to boost my low spirits. I found this wonderful “pep talk” by @calmdownmorrissey .

“This part of the semester can be extra stressful with exams, end of the semester projects, etc. Don’t give up. There will always be excuses, fears, and insecurities to hold you back – but press on anyway, because you deserve far better than accepting defeat. Spend your days being creative, productive, and kind – even + especially when it’s hard. Now is the time to be and do who and what you want. No more excuses. No more fear. Be brave.”

I love this so much. I needed to see this. It describes my current situations so perfectly. School is so stressful right now. I have a book to read, three projects, an essay, and a bunch of other assignments that I have to do. School ends in three weeks and I am so ready for it to end. I’m not doing as well as I hoped in my biology class and that’s the one I should be most concerned about. I’m struggling to raise that grade when I just have three weeks left. I feel like giving up and dropping out. I keep thinking that maybe this isn’t for me. But I have to do it. If I want a career, I have to. If I want to make it in the future, I have to pull through.

My own insecurities are destroying me. I think I’m not good enough. Not smart enough. Not talented enough. Not pretty enough. Not nice enough. Not generous enough. I’m really trying to surpass all those lies because I am enough. Of everything… even if I don’t always feel strong enough. I feel too weak most of the time. I’m afraid I’ll die before morning. I make it through the night by the grace of God. Otherwise, I’d probably be dead by now from all the abuse.

I’m not dead. I must remain grateful for my life. I’ve found ways to let my mind stray from troubling thoughts. I’ve managed to borrow a sewing machine. I’m sewing. Working on a project I hope the receiver will love. I’m picking up my camera more often. Taking pictures of things I love. I’m trying to manage my time wisely. Do some homework. Pray. Read. Write. Eat. Relax. Watch a movie or tv show. I’m doing everything to stay occupied. Everything to keep my mind from visiting the darkness.

I’m trying to get better. I’m going to get better. November will end. The abuse will end. I will be filled with light. The darkness will disappear. I will grow. I will blossom. I will radiate.