“Do not tell everyone your story. You will only end up feeling more rejected. People cannot give you what you long for in your heart. The more you expect from people’s response to your experience of abandonment, the more you will feel exposed to ridicule.”
– Henri J.M. Nouwen

I hate this quote for multiple reasons. I hate hiding. Hiding is just a defense mechanism. I haven’t gotten hurt for being open. Does everyone need to know every inch of detail about me? Not really. But being known is important.

This blog is me showing who I am. It’s expressing my thoughts and opinions. It is me showing that I struggle, just like everybody. It is me showing how human I am. People like knowing how human someone is. They relate better. There’s a deeper connection. That’s just my opinion.

I don’t care if I get humiliated, or ridiculed. I refuse to grow a hard heart. I refuse to get extremely cold and bitter. I will not resent people who don’t fathom the gravity of who I am. If I am abandoned and rejected, so be it. I will not feel lonely no matter how much of that I experience. If I am abandoned and rejected, I will feel for whoever did that to me. How silly it is to think people are supernatural. To think people are gods. People are people. So capable of making mistakes. So capable of disappointing. 

I trust people. I really do. If I grow a love towards you, nothing can shake that. You can hurt me. You can abandon me. You can lie to me. You can do anything to me, but I will still love you. That love comes by knowing you are perfectly flawed. Perfectly human. I will not grow bitter and I will never seek revenge. I have my dignity to maintain.

I have learned how to stay soft through the pain. People grow a cold heart and say “I’m staying strong. Protecting myself from getting hurt.” I learned a lot about love and vulnerability. My strength comes from a soft, resilient heart. My strength doesn’t come from hiding. I’m worse off hiding. People get mad at me for hiding. I’m growing. Love me or hate me, I’m learning to be fine with either. I’m learning to not get shaken by rejection and harsh words.