We are more than halfway through my most horrifying month. There has been a lot of positive stuff, but there’s one major issue killing me. Slowly.

It’s been a rough couple of days. I’ve been crying so much. Nonstop. My eyes burn. My nose bleeds. My ribs bruise. My skin is hot and then cold. Most of all, my heart aches. I’m in so much pain. This has been my hardest October yet. It’s not over, but I can’t wait for it to end. 

There are still ten days. Anything can happen in ten days. Something great can completely turn my October around and make it the best one I’ve had in years. Or something can make it go further downhill. I’m really hoping for the former. I’m trying to stay as optimistic as I can. I have high hopes, but I feel so hopeless right now. Something isn’t right here. Especially since it feels like it is about to get worse. It feels like there’s something I don’t know and I am in for a real surprise.

It hasn’t just been a rough week for me. I know it’s been rough for family and close friends. This upsets me. I know about seven other people going through a rough week. That’s not right. October is cruel. I hate October.

Schoolwork is piling up. It’s just adding to the stress. To the sadness.

I hope I do a lot of growing this month. I hope I learn a lot of valuable lessons. I hope to be encouraged. I hope things get better. I hope I learn to love Octobers. I hope someone makes me love Octobers one day…