I spent these last four days away on a retreat with junior high and high school students and young adults. It was literally a retreat from everything: the busy city life, cell phone reception (including WiFi), friends, and my parents. In the last four days, God moved and spoke way beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

Sunday night, my pastor Josiah spoke about about going all in for God. He made me question what is it that I am giving my all in to? I know there are things that I have gave more of my time and energy into as opposed to Him. I know I haven’t always fully surrendered certain aspects of my life to Him. There were things I have held back and kept to myself. He wants it all though. I don’t have to carry anything on my own. During the altar call, my friend Liz came up and began to pray over me that all fear be removed. He used her to tell me that He’s got me. He’s holding onto me. I don’t need to be afraid of what is to come. I don’t need to be afraid of making certain choices that includes removing a lot of what I thought was right. I can make better choices about my career especially. All He wants is success for me. I can walk boldly, trusting He holds my hand every step of the way.

Monday morning, the student director Brian spoke about igniting my purpose and passion. During the altar call, he prayed over me and those words came straight from heaven. I did not find my church out of coincidence. The Lord is setting me ablaze. I want to be consumed by His Fire. I will never be the same. He has renewed my passion for Him, the same passion I had when I was younger. I will do all I can to keep this fire alive in me. I want to pass along this passion to others as well. Monday night, Pastor Marie spoke about putting your time and effort into things are and are not worth it.There were times I’ve had a misplaced value system. There have been times when I had no concern for the consequences. That night, I prayed the same prayer I’ve prayed countless times before regarding sexual healing. I was angry that it didn’t feel different, but it was. I am never going to be the same. I want that to be the very last time I’ll ever have to pray that same prayer of forgiveness. I am clothed in dignity. I am made white as snow. I am healed in every aspect one can be healed in: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically.

Tuesday morning was intense as five camp leaders gave a quick little message. I was forced to question once again what kind of baggage am I still carrying? I have to admit that I can’t carry the burdens of life on my own. I have to cast everything on the Lord. I realized I have a purpose. There is a plan for my life. I also was forced to ask myself what good are the things I’ve been blessed with if I can’t enjoy them? I am allowed to stumble, but I must get up. God is still Lord through my mistakes. That was encouraging. The last message was about the authority I have spiritually. No longer are seeds of negativity, doubt, fear, confusion, depression, insecurity, belittlement placed in my heart. I have the spiritual authority to speak against anything that tries to tell me I can’t do something, I’m not smart enough, strong enough, worthy enough. I can freely say I am humble, caring, strong, joyful, dignified, and filled with peace. I learned that my God is trustworthy. He will never abandon me or let me fall. When Pastor Josiah gave his message, he allowed time for us to be alone with the spirit. I wanted the Holy Spirit to fill me with words to write. I prayed that I always be filled with something from Heaven to say. In an instant, the Spirit poured Himself on me and I began to write furiously in my notebook. So I have tons to write for these books I’ve been starting as well as for blog posts to come!

Tuesday night, we had the privilege of hearing Pastor Ralph Castillo, chaplain of the Yankees and Nets. He spoke about how empty is the new full. Before he even preached, I was asking the Lord to fill my cup until it runs over. I want to continue to be filled and emptied out. I need that balance. I know that as long as I keep saying “Yes” He’ll continue to pour Himself into me so I can be poured out onto others. Pastor Josiah decided that himself and Pastor Marie were going to use the energy they had to connect with God and pray for each and every person there (they prayed for 150 people). Before Pastor Marie prayed over me, I was prayed over twice. One prayer brought a prophecy that came true within 24 hours. The other prayer brought a lot of reassurance. When Pastor Marie finally prayed for me, the Lord told me I am a warrior. The Lord said I have a voice and hands that must be used. I am healed from all mental and emotional wounds. I am healed all over. I was set free from all mind battles. No longer am I chained to the lies of the devil. Insecurity has fled. I know the Lord sees me in a crowd of hundreds. I know I stand out. I have found a new identity in Christ. All the things that happened to me do not define me. The Lord has told me who I am. I pray He keeps reminding me all that I am.

Wednesday morning, Pastor Ralph Castillo spoke about all that is to come after this mountain top experiences. I head his words. I know I’m going to be tested. I know it’s not going to be easier but things are going to get better. So far it’s been smooth sailing, but I know there things coming my way. I know the devil isn’t happy. But good, let him stay upset. He’s just scared and threatened that I’m newly equipped to resist him. He’s furious I know the Lord has defeated him. He’s going to do all he can to come after me, but he will fail. He’s nothing. He’s but a mere speck of dust compared to my Lord. I can stand boldly, with courage and know that those who are for me are far greater than those against me. Coming home, I had my first mini-test. It seemed like I wasn’t going to be able to stay for midweek service, but the more faith and trust I had in God, the easier it was to resist the devil. I was also approached by the student director Brian and he asked me if I was willing to share my camp testimony. I was quick to question “Wow, me? Really? Out of every other girl here?” But I was also quick to say yes because only the Lord knew who needed to hear me. In just 24 hours a prayer came true. I spoke before the congregation and shared my testimony. I’ve been told it’s touched so many people. I know this is just the beginning. This is not the last time my voice will be used to share the power and love of my Lord.

I cannot wait to see all that He has in store for me. There is so much more waiting for me. Things I would have never imagined. I never would have thought I’d get to speak before my church and share. I didn’t think I was ready, yet my Father thought I was. I want Him to keep using me as a vessel. I want others to come to know His love like I have. He loves me. So much. He is never going to let me go. There is so much peace and joy within my heart. He is worthy of all my trust. So much more things happened. They are little details I must keep within my heart until it is time to pour them out. I have so much more topics to write about. I am excited to share. I am excited to grow even more. So many new relationships were built at camp. I am excited to see them flourish. I’m going to continue to seek His presence. I need more of Him. My heart has a newfound yearning for Him and His things. I want Him to have His way in my life, and He is. I am falling so in love with Him.