The topic of bitterness has been on my head a lot lately so I want to talk about “Betty” and the bitterness in her life.
What is bitterness?
Bitterness can either be the lack of total sweetness, a pungent taste. Or it can be anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly, resentment.
I personally have been bitter with some people in my life that I believed treated me poorly. Bitterness can easily grow in our lives if we’re not careful. It affects more than just ourselves. The word bitter comes from an old German word that means “to split.” If we let it, bitterness has the power to split up relationships.
Some ways we can become bitter include:
- Holding unforgiveness towards others
- Holding unforgiveness towards yourself
- Holding others to a higher standard than you hold yourself
- Believing things will never get any better
- Setting a high expectation on what the “end” should look like
But what does bitterness actually look like?
- Guilt: It says “I owe them for what I did. They may (or may not) deserve it.”
- Anger: It says “They owe me for what they did. I don’t deserve this.”
- Greed: It says “I owe it to myself. I deserve this.”
- Jealousy: It says “God owes me. I deserve this.”
I read something not that long ago that said “Sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty about the things they did to you.”
If I’m honest, I had three encounters of bitterness, however they looked very different.
One said everything was okay. Acted like nothing happened. Slowly distanced themselves. Then ignored my existence altogether for a good while. When they realized someone was watching them, they began to act like everything was okay but with resistance and hostility.
Another said everything was okay. Acted like nothing happened. Privately acknowledged my existence, but publicly ignored me to prove they had nothing to do with me.
Maybe you’re thinking what did I do. I strongly believe I did nothing to either person. I believe I spoke out in truth. I know they each got hurt somehow. Perhaps they both acted out of anger and guilt, I don’t know. I only know how they each made me feel and how I had to learn to deal with it.
Because I felt hurt, I experienced my own bitterness. I was incredibly angry. I felt like I did not deserve it. But I also felt like I did deserve what happened because I did not act sooner. I had to learn life wasn’t about who deserves what. I had to forgive them, and I had to forgive myself. I could have sat around and considered myself so high for not deserving something or pray for their hearts to change. My heart had to change. I did not want to run the risk of bitterness holding me back from all the things God has for me. I could either reciprocate the bitterness or extend grace.
The word bitter in Greek is pikria, which talks about a bitter root that then produces a bitter fruit. This word stems from pikros, relating to a piercing feeling. Bitterness starts within a person. It stems from their heart and grows outward. If you believe your bitterness remains unnoticeable with your fake smile, you’re wrong. It shows in your behaviors, in your words. And bitterness pierces. It pierces your own heart and your relationships.
What does the Bible say about bitterness?
- Romans 3:14 “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”
- Revelation 8:11 “The name of the star was Bitterness. It made one-third of the water bitter, and many people died from drinking the bitter water.”
- Ephesians 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.”
- Hebrews 12:15 “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”
So my dear “Betty,” it’s time to buy a bit of better butter so your batter won’t be bitter.