It feels like I’ve wandered through the desolate places of my mind for ages. All I tend to see are the ruins. Sometimes I try and hide the scars. Push back the tears. Push back the pain that comes at the sight of a reminder. Smile. This moment will pass and all will be fine. I’ll make it another day.

I don’t always get to choose the things that happen to me or the scars that are left behind. But when the Savior comes knocking with an offer far better than anything else the world has, I do have a choice. I can choose freedom. I can choose life. I can choose love. I can choose forgiveness. I can choose peace, where nothing is missing and nothing is broken. I choose to accept His offer.

Last week, I met a God who gives His grace even when we don’t ask for it. Adam and Eve never apologized for their actions, yet God extended His love to them and covered their shame. I have made so many mistakes which God chose to forgive me from way before I was alive to make them through the Cross. Even my thoughts; He chose to cover my doubt, my hurt.

Just as He forgave us without receiving an apology, I must do the same. Forgive the hands that crush me. Give fragrance even to them. Extend the love I have been given because I don’t deserve it. I couldn’t earn it, still He gave His love away. And it’s not just others I need to forgive; it’s myself, too. Forgive myself for the thoughts and mistakes I made. I am human, and I can’t be so hard on myself. I honestly punish myself more than God does.

In the midst of it all God still covers me with His love. He is closer than I think. He shows me He just wants to cry with me through the pain. He says “Give me the burden. Give me the heaviness. Why do you think I died for you? I carried that heavy cross. I put on the thorn of crowns. I bled all out for you. I gave it all for you, so why can’t you give it all to me?”

That’s all He wants. All of me. Me. ALL. Amy Lynette Lopez. He wants the shame. He wants the doubts. He wants the pain. He wants the burdens. He wants the tears. He wants the smiles. He wants the laughs. He wants my thoughts. He wants my heart.  He says “Come” with arms wide open.

To shed context on what you read: My heart has been so heavy these last few weeks. I’ve been attempting to release it all, but I’ve felt so stuck. My church had a conference this past weekend, and everyone has been talking about how life changing it was. Yet here I am, unable to relate. I was completely serving. I didn’t get a chance to fully receive. So I’m just crying out to God wondering when I will receive major breakthrough for what I’ve been dealing with. I didn’t need a conference. I needed one moment alone with God and my hurt to receive breakthrough. Even if they feel like small little ones, they’re much bigger than I think. God is moving, and there’s so much more waiting for me.