“Here, in this College, God is at work, bending, breaking, molding, doing just as He chooses. Why He is doing it, we do not know; He is doing it for one purpose only — that He may be able to say, ‘This is My man, My woman’” (Oswald Chambers).
I’d be lying to you if I said I wasn’t afraid. I’d be lying if I said I know what my life looks like 4 years from now, or even four hours from now. That’s what scares me the most… I can no longer picture what tomorrow looks like. Maybe this what it’s really like surrendering your own desires and aspirations to God. Maybe this is what it feels like knowing you are no longer behind the steering wheel. I have decided to give Him control over every aspect of my life, and it’s honestly really hard sometimes.
As stated in a previous post, I was unsure of whether switching majors was the right thing to do. Camp really cleared things up. Before camp, it came to my attention through my previous pastor that I was actually afraid. It’s true. I was afraid of switching majors. I was afraid of not being successful. I was afraid that my plans didn’t actually align with God’s Will. It’s funny how God has a way of realigning everything back to His Will. I realize how many obstacles He put in my way to keep me from continuing in that major. God was opening and closing doors. I didn’t pass my class for a reason. I dabbled in thoughts of changing my major. Certain people talked to me in such a way that opened my eyes.
On the very first day of camp, God used my friend Liz to speak peace into my mind. He has used her to tell me to not be afraid during this changing of the seasons. That’s what this is. It is a changing of the seasons. This is the Lord changing the direction in which I’m heading. The further I head down this road, the more I see God in control. I want to live my life in such a way that I am always seeing His moving hand.
Today I took the brave step forward and changed my major from Biology to Communications Studies. I have no idea what career is going to come out of this, yet I trust that the Lord has me in His hands. I have a yearning to grow spiritually. I have a desire to join my church’s bible college. My old pastor said I have a mind that critically thinks about the things of God. “We need more people like you learning and teaching theology.” Today, I also made the bold move of taking an application for the bible college. I am believing He is all over this new season.
It’s mind blowing to see His hands all over this. Before I left, my mind was filled with thoughts of fear and doubt. I knew praying on my knees and reading His Word would make me feel better. I read Colossians 1:9-11.. “Because of this, since the day we heard about you, we have continued praying for you, asking God that you will know fully what he wants. We pray that you will also have great wisdom and understanding in spiritual things so that you will live the kind of life that honors and pleases the Lord in every way. You will produce fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God. God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient.”
This was the what He spoke to me today and I cherish it greatly. This is what He wants. He cleared the way for me to do what I had to do today. Nobody gave me a hard time. I made it to where I had to go on time. He opened one door and shut another. Even as I was sitting in service, the Lord made it very clear that these are the steps I need to take to go further with Him.
Again, it’s scary not knowing what tomorrow will look like. It’s scary not knowing how my classes will be from now on. It’s scary not having a set career. But one thing that is constantly in my head are the words from my friend Julia: “How boring is it to have every detail already planned out?” It’s true. Where is the adventure? The Lord wants me to live an adventurous life free of fear, insecurity, doubt, worry, what-have-you.
My friend Esther said that I shouldn’t look at the future as scary. I should look at it with hope. God is shaping me. He is tending to the garden that is my life. He is pruning what must be pruned. He is watering the areas that are dry. He is shedding light into the dark. He is sowing seeds that will reap good fruit. This is His Will. He wants my submissive and soft heart. He wants me open to the needs of others. He wants me responsive to all spiritual things.
I am definitely growing and changing through this process. Change must become my friend. Change must be expected. “Change is the only constant.” Romans 12:2 says “Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.” First I needed to let God change me. He’s still doing that. He’s shifting my heart. Drawing me to trust Him, to put more of my faith in Him. He’s getting rid of all that does not please Him and is replacing it with all that does.
He has a purpose for my life. It’s sad to see something I wanted for so long get prevented from happening. It’s not going to be easy. I really don’t want to question whether I made the right decision or not, but maybe I will? I don’t know what it looks like down the road. That should be good for God, right? It makes me have to trust Him more. It makes me able to see Him move. It causes me to seek Him more in all things. He gets more control over my life. He is allowed to work even more freely in my life than ever before. He can do as He pleases, yet I know He will never do anything to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11).
Church service tonight taught me to speak prophetically over my life before anyone else does. I speak success, joy, and peace over my life. In Jesus name, I shall receive. My dear friend Ruby prayed God to reveal to her a verse to give to me. He gave her Proverbs 31:25.. “She is clothed in strength and dignity, and can laugh at the days to come.” The Lord thinks I am a Proverbs 31 woman. After desiring to be like her, my Father says I am. The days to come are nothing to fear. I shall not worry about what tomorrow brings. My Father is with me. My Father holds my hand. My Father goes before me. My Father guards me. The devil’s distractions are no match for my God’s goodness and faithfulness. My God is bigger, and stronger. He passes down to me His strength. Everything is going to be okay.
I mentioned earlier that I couldn’t even see what tomorrow looks like. On the contrary, I know what it looks like. I can picture myself having to put my trust in Him all over again. I can picture myself having low stress and anxiety. I can picture myself at peace. I can see myself smiling and laughing at all that I face. I can picture myself in His Will. I can see His hands holding me up, covering me, protecting me. I can hear Him being pleased and saying “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” If that’s not something I see Him telling me at the end of the day, am I really doing what pleases Him?