October is now at an end. I can definitely say I had some very nice moments that include reconnecting with old friends, gaining a new passion for my future career in optometry, and having breakfast at 5 pm with my best friend. But I’ve also had some very bad ones… 

I have cried so much this month. I experienced a lot of agony. “You looked like you just went through a good amount of suffering,” someone told me. They were on point. My eyes grew a burning sensation from all that crying. Nights grew long, and days grew longer. I could barely sleep. I honestly don’t know how my tear ducts have all dried up. There was a lot going on that affected me directly and indirectly. I’ve seen too many people get hurt this month. That’s really made me sad. That fact that I was so hurt this month, made me mad.

I got to do way too much thinking. Most of the paths my thoughts were headed towards made angry. I thought not only about what was hurting me recently but also about what hurt me over the course of the 6 years. I grew really angry at a lot of people. I grew angry at myself. But I grew. I’m still growing.

I learned a lot about what it means to appreciate life. You never know how much time you have left with something or someone. I learned about selflessness. Reconnecting with old friends brought me down from my cloud of “Me.” I learned about being grounded and humble. Other people go through things while you are and it’s really good to take a step back and refocus. Just as much as I need someone there for me, other people need someone, too. I may not always be good at it, but I’m trying my best. I also learned a lot about forgiveness. Not only do I have to ask for it, but I have to give it. Not only do I have to give it to others, but myself as well. I can hurt myself in a lot of ways. That’s not right. I’m a precious gem and I really need to learn how to treasure myself. I’m growing.

I’m learning to water myself. To give myself all the right nutrients. Actual food, joy, peace, trust, hope, faith, and love. I’m growing. Some days, even months (October), I’ll wither. But every plant needs pruning as much as it needs growing. October is in the fall, meaning I’m going to dry up. Meaning I’m going to fall. Meaning winter is coming. Meaning a cleanse is on its way. Come springtime, I’ll blossom once again. Grow back. Beautiful as ever. 

I am thankful for October, even if it’s always tough. Hello November, season of gratitude. I’m ready. A new book is now being written.