“I wish I can be more like you.”

No you don’t.

I’m so tired of hearing this from so many people. Don’t tell me you wish your eating habits were like mine. Don’t tell me you wish your stomach was as flat as mine. Don’t tell me you wish you were as skinny as me.

I didn’t get the way I am from constant exercise. I didn’t get this way from counting my calories. I didn’t get this way because of genes. I didn’t get this way by eating salads. I didn’t get this way because I know what a healthy diet consists of.

I got this way because of stress. I never put eating first. I got this way because of depression. I refuse to eat when I’m sad. I got this way because I’m picky about food. It’s hard to get me to say yes to most foods. I got this way because I hate triple digits. I will not allow myself to get there. I got this way because of a low self esteem. I got this way because of society’s view on a “pretty girl.”

I’m sick and tired of this. As hard as it is for you to lose weight, it’s hard for me to gain weight. My metabolism has gone all whacky because of malnutrition. I’m struggling. I’m not healthy. I’m not happy most days. Others have made my life hard. I have made my life hard.

I’m trying so hard to recuperate. I’m trying so hard to love myself. I’m trying to accept every inch of my exterior just as much as my interior. It’s a constant struggle. I want to be curvy, yet I want to be model thin. I’m stuck in between. I want to be okay with that. More than okay.

You see, every kind of girl is beautiful the way they are. Curvy and voluptuous. Thin and petite. However they may be, they are beautiful. However I may be, I am beautiful. I’m really trying to believe that.

I’m trying to believe it even when no one tells me. I want to know wholeheartedly that even on the days I’m not feeling it, I am still beautiful. I’m really trying. It’s been eighteen years, and I’m not trying to struggle for another eighteen.

My future needs me healthy. My husband will need a healthy wife. My children will need a healthy mom. My present needs me healthy. My schoolwork requires all effort. My family deserves to see me happy. My friends deserve to be in good company.

I’m learning to eat healthier. I’m learning to not let stress influence my eating habits. I’m learning to be happy just the way life is. I’m learning to be happy just the way I am. I’m learning to love myself. It’s not an easy road, but I know I’ll get there. I’m growing. I’m a priceless work in progress. I am more than enough.

To those who struggle as well: You are so beautiful. From your head to your toes. Every piece of hair is made so delicately to compliment your face. Those eyes are made so perfect for you. Every curve was so carefully carved. Love yourself. You’re more than enough. I love you.