I like a lot of food, but I am very picky. Some food is not always appetizing. Some days, food is not appetizing whatsoever. Some days, I stress myself out so much with other things, I feel as if I have no time to eat. I can’t take a break to eat. Also, situations arise that get me really down and I will refuse to eat. I could go a couple days without eating anything. I do like eating healthy. I think that if I got better at eating I would turn into some health nut. I like sugary foods, though. I am made of more sugar than water, says one dear friend.

Another influence on my eating habits are comments I receive from others, mainly family. I understand that when I get told to eat it is because they care about my health, but it’s the way it’s said. It gets irritating. My parents even bought me medicine that is supposed to make me want to eat more (I didn’t like that and still don’t). Like yeah, maybe I would be taller or look older if I ate more. If I looked fuller. But I do not like being compared to my younger sister who “looks older because she clearly eats more.” It also annoys me when both my parents have to check up on me at different times of the day and ask me if I ate and what I ate. It feels like I am keeping a food diary. I don’t want to keep a food diary. I actually might have poorly expressed my feelings towards them about this, but I feel like the fact that I ate food for that day is good enough. My parents may or may not have stopped asking what I ate as a result. 

However, I do feel a little lighter (No pun intended). It makes eating easier. I don’t really have to worry about eating for my parents. I eat for me. Gaining weight is a struggle. I can never seem to get to the triple digits, or even remotely close (I always weigh less than 97 lbs). One time I got so bad, I lost 10 pounds in less than two weeks. It took me a while to gain those ten pounds back. Right now, I am at 93 lbs. You ask a doctor, they’ll say I am underweight for my age and height. Maybe I do have a problem. Maybe it’s psychological not wanting to see those triple digits. Maybe I am afraid of which areas I will gain the most weight in.

I wouldn’t call myself anorexic, and I think others wouldn’t either. Or maybe I have a mild case. Whatever it is, I know I am not consuming an adequate amount of food per day or even receiving the nutrients I need each day. Eating disorders are a real issue. So many people struggle with the concept of eating food. Its like you don’t even have to have a severe case of anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating to have an eating disorder. The fact that someone does not eat properly is a disorder enough. Someone may be extremely concerned with always losing weight; they can try a bunch of unhealthy diets. That is a disorder. So yes, I do have an eating disorder. If you struggle with bad eating habits, don’t struggle alone. Please get better. Things can be better. Yes, I want to get better. I am getting better. I have been wanting to eat more. I have been eating more lately. According to my same dear friend mentioned earlier, I even look fuller. That’s good, right? I still struggle though. It is tough. But I am progressing.