“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights” (Habakkuk 3:17-19).

I am allowed to be disappointed and joyful. The fact is that I am disappointed, but the truth is God never disappoints. The fact is that I am facing feelings of disillusionment and discouragement, all of which is very disheartening. But the truth? The truth is that God is still good. God is still in control and He never disappoints.
I think I am at 7 cries so far this year (not the tears rolling down as I type this o.O). That literally means I have cried half of the year so far (what in the world…?) Half of them have been sad and frustrated cries. I am not disappointed with God, I am disappointed in the timing of everything. Everything felt like it was going really well and the wheels were turning and my book was going to get printed by the end of 2025. Boy, was that timeline so far off from what I hoped for.
I am literally living out of Proverbs 16:9… “man makes their plan, but the Lord determines the steps.” At this point, there is nothing I can do but wait. Everything is out of my hands. Things aren’t going the way I envisioned them late last year. I am all out of practical options in certain areas. All I can do is move on with other writings, like this one. You know what’s hard? The questions I get asked. I am forced to break this “tough girl” image and face reality and say I am at a standstill. I have to be honest and say I’m feeling so weak. Yet!.. Yet, I am strong enough to go to Him. I am strong enough to abide in Him in this uncertainty. I may be weak, but He is strong.
The other half of my cries this year? Tears of joy and overwhelming gratitude. I am so Thankful my God has not left me nor forsaken me. I am so grateful my Jesus said it is finished (way before it ever began). I am so grateful to be loved, to be chosen, to be called, to be seen by my Father. This is the joy of my salvation. Thank God I am not where I used to be, or even who I used to be. So…
Even if God doesn’t pull through with the book…
Even though the timeline is not where I hoped it would look like…
Even if everything is out of my control…
Even though I am disappointed…
Even if I could have done certain things earlier…
Even though things played out the way they did…
Even if He never does anything more in my life…
Even though it looks like all hope is lost…
Even if it feels suffocating…
Even though I have not always been faithful…
Yet… It is not over. He is my strength. He is faithful. There is nothing that comes as a surprise to Him.
I know I can rest in that and find joy through the sadness. It will all come to pass according to His Will.

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time… though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry” (Habakkuk 2:3).