Here we are again. Three years later and the same feelings reside. I read my letter to my “future husband” that year. I once again didn’t get a “happy birthday” last week from the person I wanted to hear it the most. I was fine with the absence, until today. But then again, a lot has changed and I am fine.

This year we are breaking this pattern. Fasting boys has not been easy. There are things my flesh wants to do to get over the memories that stain my mind. I know that no matter how many dudes I let come into my life, I won’t be able to erase this one. It’s not just fasting all boys that’s hard. It’s fasting him. I think the hardest part is starving my mind from thoughts about him. Starving my ears from his voice. My eyes from his face. My phone from his texts.

As I’m starving myself from attention and affection I don’t need, I am filling myself up with the attention and affection of True Love. I’ve been talking to God more often. I’ve been more open and willing to share my heart with Him. I still have questions, but I want to seek the Answer Giver. I’m finding out more and more, He has been the answer all along.

God is so relentless. He’s been so good to me. As heavy as this heart is, I know it is safely in hands strong enough to carry it.

Here we are again, falling more and more in love with Him.